11/22/09 (A Heaven I Cannot Reach)

A Heaven I Cannot Reach

I cannot convince you
That I am worth holding hands with
When these are the hands that
Destroyed our relationship
I cannot fill compliments with helium
To reach goals
Like balloons let go
Into the stratosphere

Meet me half way between
The holed o-zone of your heart
And the ground zero of your vagina
Stomach the disaster of us like it’s natural
Show me Hell on your feet
And I’ll still want to taste Heaven on your lips
It’s not that I didn’t like to kiss you
It was just hard knowing
I had to keep dying in order to reach Kingdom come
I wasn’t strong enough to hold the throne of your face
It was easier to rummage through the debris of your clit
With my tongue
Because then
I didnt have to be majestic

You won’t slap me
Because it will resolve my guilt
And all the things I have given
The fridge
The phone
The awareness of a hymen
Are broken
“Symbolic of our failed relationship”
You say
We are a defect
But you still have my bed sheets
Carrying your scent of lullabies
That rocked me to sleep
When we were fighting

Late night
I gyrate between thigh space
Pinpoint points where I wanna lick
Hip joints
Connect til you pull away irate
By mistakes
I made
2 years ago
And ones I am repeating at this very moment
You have a list
Weighing pros and cons
And the scale tips heavy
Out of my favor

I try to maintain balance
By reminding you
I can be a good person
You say, “Yes, but all of your relationships will be doomed”
As you nonchalantly order a cup of coffee
My only motivation for meeting
Is to jog memories because the thought
Of you runs through
My subconscious
I’ve just been too proud to remember stories
Without you being there to laugh with me
But when I ask your motives
You say the free Mango chicken
And smile a Heaven I cannot reach
With any repentance